Nobody likes to let it go, just like that.

We have to let you go. It has nothing to do with your performance as that is excellent. It's just that we have not been able to make the best use of your potential and we feel guilty about it. Plus, now your other work and stuff has started so we thought it would be a good time to part.

This was what the conversation revolved around. I was okay with it. I mean there was nothing to contest anyway. It was mutual dispersion agreed upon by both the parties involved. But yeah, one doesn’t feel good about it and this (conversation) made me delve a little deeper and further into my thoughts.

Nobody likes to let it go, just like that!

I remember when, during one of my earlier jobs, I was asked to leave. During that conversation with the founder and CEO, I was contesting and giving punches one after the other. It was a pretty hot and aggressive dual from my end. I only became softer once I realized why I was so agitated. It was not because of the job loss, but more so, what I will say to people, my sister was going to get married in a few months’ time and me being unemployed was not a good thought, and interestingly, finances were not the major concern and reason for my anger. It was perhaps a betrayal as I had had a good time with the CEO, so maybe I was feeling a little taken aback. 

In the front, I was all, “how could you do this? This is not the right way”. But somewhere at the back of my head I could hear the whisper which eventually got louder. The voice was saying “why am I arguing? It’s a simple transaction if looked purely from a business point of view. You were not able to deliver as per their needs, and they have all the rights to replace or find someone else instead of just continuing for the sake of it. The mouth in front was still not sure, and was still arguing when I checked my watch and it was already 20 minutes gone. The moment I got softer was the moment this other voice in my head was whispering, “your parents/family will understand, you are not answerable to the world and things happen, sometimes it doesn’t work out”.  And that is when I asked them, “how much time do I have, a month? Thank you, it was lovely working for you.”

Cut to today’s evening conversation, I was not taken aback, no. But I was prepared, no, no to that also. But after today’s conversation I was quicker to reach the conclusion and realize, “it happens”.  No, my life was not dependent on it, as it was, anyway, a temporary arrangement. Yeah, I was a little disappointed as I was thinking of continuing or rather maintaining the status quo. Plus, it was good fun and entertainment. I mean who doesn’t like doing what brings joy to him/her even for free.

I liked my conduct as there was not a sheer of anger either in my tone or behavior or any thought or vibe. On the contrary I was smiling.  I agreed that, yes, we must part. It is not that there are loads of work or money or pleasure. In fact, the only thing consistent from the last such conversation and today’s is, that my family/friends will understand and I am not answerable to the world. But this time around I was okay to let it go.

Letting it go is a difficult thing indeed! Be it professional or personal, it is always difficult, yup each time. But then holding onto things doesn’t help either. The sooner we come to terms with reality the swifter we will  work to make our life better. Like what else is there in life but to become better? And if letting it go helps, then do let it go.

मेरे घर के सामने एक घर है

मेरे घर के सामने एक घर है।

मेरे घर के सामने एक घर है।घर जर्जर हालात में है।जिनका है वो इधर है नहीं, बाहर हैं।कुछ साल उनके रिस्तेदार रहे।लेकिन अब वो भी नहीं।वो घर पुताई लिपाई मांगता है।वे घर बेचना भी चाह रहे।बिक नहीं रहा है।उस घर के अंदर एक पेड़ उग आया। शायद कुछ चार पांच ही फ़ीट का हो गया होगा। कि वो आये जिनका घर। 

तो उनसे नाराजगी हमारी दो दर्ज़े पर दर्ज़ हुई।एक तो वो, वो पेड़ काट गये।दूसरा ये कि पेड़ काट के फेक वो सड़क के कोने में ही गए।जहां फिर और लोग भी कूड़ा डालने लगे।उनका पेड़ काटना समझ आता है।घर छोड़ना, बेचना है तो देखने वाले आते ही, साफ सफाई चाहिए ही।लेकिन वो पेड़ एक हरा भरा सा था उस वीरान में।

अभी पीछे गए कुछ रोज़, हमारा विश्वास हिला।कुछ हुआ कि काफ़ी डगमगाए, हड़बड़ाए और घबराए हम।यूं तो यूं ही नहीं बिखरते हैं हम पर बिखर गए थे।

ये विश्वास हिल ही रहा था कि हम समझने की कोशिश में हैं कि क्यों इतना हिल रहा है।समझ आया भी कि हम निराश नहीं करना चाहते, होना चाहते, नाराज़ तो कोई बात नहीं।पर निराशा नहीं! खास कर जब कोई दोस्त अजीज हो और आपसे या आपकी किसी हरकत से निराश हो जाए, ये तो कतई ही गंवारा नहीं। क्योंकि दुनिया जहां भर की नज़र में आप कुछ नहीं ना सही।दोस्त की नज़र में तो बराबर खड़ा रहना चाहते।

हां जब तक ये हम समझ पाते तब तक काफी दूरी तय हो चुकी थी। विश्वास को संभालते वक्त लगना था, लगा भी।शायद पूरी तरह संभाला भी नहीं।

वो सामने वाले घर को अभी फिर देखा तो देखा कि वो पेड़ वापस आ गया, अपने आप। सिर्फ यहीं नहीं, उस घर के चारो तरफ भी काफी झाड़ आ गई। कुछ जंगली पेड़ भी घास भी।अभी कुछ दिन और अगर यूं ही रहा तो घर की बाउंड्री की दीवारों के ऊपर तक आ जानी ये झाड़, घास और पेड़।

अन्दर जो पेड़ वो भी अभी कुछ तीन एक फ़ीट का तो हो ही गया। और ये सब अपने से।बस बरसात का पानी ये हवा फ़िज़ा यहीं।घर बुरे हाल में है, भूरा सा, लेकिन ये हरियाली अपने पैरों पर ओड़े हुए है।

हमको हमारी दोस्त वीथिका की बात याद आई जो उन्होंने पिछली की पिछली सर्दी में किसी संदर्ब में कही थी।“प्रकृति की ओर रुख करो प्रकृति को देखो, कैसे सूरज चांद रोज निकल आते हैं उतने ही ऊर्जा के साथ।प्रकृति में बड़ा बल है आप भी देखिए”।

यूं तो उस घर को देख तो हम कुछ रोज़ से रहे थे । हिले हुए विश्वास के साथ देखा तो ये ध्यान आया।

हमारा विश्वास भी कुछ इकदम इसी तरह तो है। विश्वास हिल सकता है, डगमगा सकता है, बिखर सकता है और टूट भी सकता है।शायद कोई उखाड़ के फेक भी दे। पर कभी एकदम जड़ से तो ख़त्म नहीं हो सकता।

हां ये जरूर है कि किसी दरमियान वो न्यूनतम लेवल पर है। पर कितना भी नीचे हो, एक अंश तो रहेगा ही।पूरी तरह से फ़ना होना विश्वास को तो नहीं ही आता। ज़र्रे भर ही रह जाए पर रह जरूर जाता है।

और वही ज़र्रे भर का विश्वास फिर उग जाता उसी पेड़, झाड़ की तरह जो सामने वाले घर में उग आये। 

आत्म विश्वास का हिलना लाज़मी है, वक़्त बेवक्त होगा ही। लेकिन खोये गा नहीं. बस थोड़ा सा ओझिल ही होयेगा।जहां सही हवा, फ़िज़ा, पानी मिला वहां फिर दिखने लगेगा, चमकने लगेगा।

मेरे घर के सामने एक घर है और अब उसमे पेड़ भी है!